Getting Through a Divorce
You have been in a relationship for years. You made sacrifices for the relationship and vice versa sacrifices have been made for you. Then all of sudden, out of the blue, your partner wants to get a separation or divorce.
The first thing that probably comes to your mind is “Is this for real?”. What happened? Why now? Could this have been prevented?
If your partner has an inkling of maturity he or she may have expressed feelings of dissatisfaction to you. Most of the time, such decisions are not made overnight.
If your relationship is past the point of no return and counseling is not an option. It does not make sense to live in the past. Here are 5 things you can do when you are navigating through divorce or separation.
Know your worth
You are worthy and you are powerful. Do not feel despair for what has happened. Feelings of hurt and betrayal are real but do not dwell there. You have more power than you think. A simple technique you can use is affirmations stated in the present tense such as I am deserving, I am worthy, or I am loved. Choose an affirmation that resonates with you.
Don’t play the blame game
Blaming your soon to be ex-partner or anyone else for that matter is not going to help you. While it may feel good to do now, it is not going to serve you in the long term. Playing the blame game will not help you move ahead. Now is not the time for self-pity or self-blame either. In order to move forward, you need to stand in your power and know your worth. Blaming yourself or someone else will not help you.
Take care of your health
This can be a stressful time. It is important to make sure that you are eating plenty of fruits and vegetables. Avoid processed foods, table sugar, and refined flours. If you don’t think you are eating enough fresh fruits and vegetables, consider taking a multivitamin. Remember that a vitamin will never be as good as real food so try to get more fruits and vegetables into your diet. Avoid sodas and other sugary beverages and stick with water instead.
Sleep is equally as important as your diet. Make sure you are getting enough sleep. Avoid looking at your mobile phones and other screens after 8 pm because their blue LED lights inhibit melatonin. Melatonin is a hormone that is necessary for sleep, memory, and metabolism.
Also, try to exercise for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week.
Focus on your priorities
Now is the time to focus on what you really what out of life. You are more powerful than you think and what you focus on grows. Therefore, make sure that you focus on what you want.
Sometimes, you are not exactly sure what you want. In that case, start by evaluating where you are in different aspects of your life. A good rule of thumb is to pick 5 areas of your life and yourself an honest rating on a scale of 1 to 5. This is only to be seen by you so you should be honest with yourself. The areas you pick are up to you. If you are not sure where to begin you can use the following guide…
How would I rate my health?
How would I rate my professional life?
How would I rate my experiences with friends and family?
How would I rate my connection with God or Creator?
How would I rate my personal development (your hobbies, interest, leisure activities)?
After rating yourself, write down where you would like to be in these aspects. You may be doing really well in some areas and not in others. This is pretty normal.
The act of writing this down with help you focus on what you want. Also, writing things down in the present tense. It will help you build neural connections faster.
Eliminate toxic people from your life
Now is not a time to be around toxic or negative people. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you as much as you can. If you feel that you do not have many caring people in your life, don’t despair. This is the perfect time to restructure and reset. Find the courage to explore new things around you, volunteer, try a new hobby or take a class. You may be surprised by the new and wonderful friendships you make.
Remember that the world does not end at a divorce. Life goes on. Think of this as a new beginning, a renaissance and an opportunity to discover you and delightful things about yourself.
Tags: divorce family self care wellness